I wrote this for a group that I'm in. My Life Stroy

I was born Amber Ann Henderson on January 21, 1983 to Gary and Laura Henderson. My mom was only 17 when she gave birth to me. My parents got married when they found out my mom was pregnant. They lived with my grandma until just after I was born and my Dad took a job as a guide with an outfitter. It was his job to guide hunters up the mountains and help them find game and pack it out. This was truly my Dad’s dream job. However, my mom was left in a cabin with no electricity or running water, with a baby! I’m not sure how old I was when my Dad left that job and we moved into town. My parents divorced when I was 3 and the only thing I remember of them being together was when my Dad left he punched a hole in the wall.

When I was 4 my mom’s boyfriend moved in with us. He treated me well and we got along pretty well. We didn’t have much money but life was pretty good. My real Dad was always a big part of my life. He would take me back to my mom’s on Sundays and they would always get in a fight. There was a lot of tension between them.

Starting in about 5th grade I really began to despise my step dad. We fought a lot. He was VERY strict and I was always getting grounded. It wasn’t just for a day either. It was always 2 weeks and to my room. I remember once I got grounded for eating a handful of chips after school with out asking. I REALLY hated my life. I would just sit in my room and cry. I hung out in my room a lot because it was better than being around my step dad. My mom wouldn’t always agree with my punishments but she would NEVER stick up for me. That made me really not like her much either.

So, I spent as much time with my dad as I could. We went camping a lot. He taught me how to shoot and fish. He also bought me a horse. I was in 4-h with my horse and I loved it. It only lasted a couple years because my dad couldn’t afford it anymore. He smoked pot a lot and that took over his life. I was about 10 when he told me and once he did he wasn’t even discreet about it. I remember he would dry the pot leaves in my grandma’s dehydrator. He would smoke in front of me all the time. He also let me drink and I got drunk for the first time with my dad at 10 years old. I don’t know if he was trying to keep me from saying anything about his pot or what.

The summer I was 14 my dad and I took a trip to Montana to visit my Uncle and my cousin. It was great. We hiked and camped and that is when I learned how to drive a clutch. On the way home he asked me to come live with him. For the first time he had finally moved out of my grandma’s house. He had a good job, a nice car and for once we all thought he was doing well. He told me he was in rehab and if I was living with him I would give him a reason to stick with it. I said YES. I was really excited.

When I got home I had to tell my mom. I did and she really didn’t say much. I thought about it and decided I wanted to continue living with my mom and step dad. I didn’t want to leave my school or friends. When I told my Dad I had changed my mind he blamed it on my mom and was really mad at me. For the first time in my life he hung up the phone with out saying “I love you.” I was devastated.

A couple weeks later my Dad called me and said he understood why I changed my mind. He wasn’t mad at me and he loved me. 2 weeks later my grandma came to my house to tell me my Dad killed himself.

I thought it was my fault. I lost my best friend. I told him everything. My world ended. I had to start my freshman year with out my dad. I was SO angry at my dad. I thought that he didn’t love me enough. I mean, how could he take his own life and hurt me so bad. I felt he was being very selfish. (maybe that’s why I can’t stand selfish people now!) Now I know my dad suffered from depression and was self medicating by using pot. I now know it wasn’t my fault and I’m not as angry with him. I wish my dad was here to see his grand sons and it’s frustrating to know that it was his choice to not be. However, I know that he just couldn’t cope anymore and this was the only way he could get out of the pain he was living in.

After my dad died I was in counseling for about a year. My mom came with me for awhile. My anger issues with my step father came out. He came to one session with us and never went back.

When I was about 16 or 17 my step dad and I started getting along. I worked almost full time and I matured fast. Maybe that’s what we needed. I now look at my step dad as a father. He loves me and my boys.

I met Dan when I was 20. I fell pretty hard. I felt like I had to be around him all the time. I would have an anxiety attack if he wanted to be alone. It was crazy. I don’t know why he stayed with me but now I know it was because he wanted to help me. I’m so grateful he did. I started counseling again and got on anti depressants. I think I was so afraid that this man that I loved so much was going to leave me just like my dad did.

He didn’t and we were married on September 25, 2004. I was about 2 weeks pregnant with Koleton and didn’t know it. I took a pregnancy test the day we got home from our honeymoon. Koleton was born on June 2, 2005 and we had McClain on February 16, 2007.

I’m a stay at home mom now and I love my family more than anything. Life is hard sometimes. Marriage is hard sometimes but I truly believe that what doesn’t break you only makes you stronger. I am a stronger person because of my dad and for that I am grateful to him.

So there you have it...my story.